Healthcare Humor
Some items are humorous. Others are acerbic
or politically incorrect. All are thought provoking.

Divorce Petition and Settlement Agreement

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up this country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like re-distributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters.
When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volkswagen you can find.

We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republican the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J.
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.
PSS - Oh! And don't forget Madonna!

The Daily Prophet
Dr. Potter Charged with Medical Violation

Hogsmeade Village

Wednesday was not a good day at Harry Potter's office in Hogsmeade. Harry Potter, MD has been served with an order to appear before the Ministry of Magic's Board of Healing Wizards to answer charges of practicing medicine in contravention of the Magical Medicine Exclusivity Act.

Madam Pomfrey and several other members of the Board have issued a complaint to the Ministry accusing Dr. Potter of mixing muggle medicine with magic medicine. Potter has discovered that folks in the wizarding world are physiologically identical to muggles. He has applied muggle medical techniques to wizards and witches. Such actions violate the Magical Medicine Exclusivity Act. The wizards and witches treated by Dr. Potter have reported that they feel better and their magic strength is greatly improved. Potter discoverd that muggles and squibs (non-magic descendants of magic parents) are actually deficient of the hormone "Prognostitonin." Potter has been able to synthesize Prognostitonin and help many squibs learn to live magically in the wizarding world. He also discovered that squibs treated with Prognostitonin lose their mean and grumpy outlook on life. Since being treated with Prognostitonin, Argus Filch has begun teaching finishing school classes at Hogwarts, stressing wizard culture, interpretive dance, graciousness and other social skills.

Professor Sprout, who knows nothing about medicine, is expected to be called as an expert witness. She will testify that Potter is adulterating the practice of medicine by using plants in ways the wizarding world has never approved or studied. Professor Snape is angered that he is no longer considered the number one potions master in the world. St. Mungo's has terminated Dr. Potter's physician privelege at the hospital.

We will continue to follow these shocking developments.

Smoke Enema
This device was popular in 18th. century medicine as a means of artificial respiration and to relieve constipation! It has been revived to sell government run healthcare to unsuspecting Americans. Click Here

The Ant and the Grasshopper

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter. He dies out in the cold. Click Here for the Rest of the Story